The Women's Circle Read online

  ‘Anna?’ Jeanette was squatting in front of her, hand on her knee. ‘You zoned out for a minute. Are you all right?’ Jeanette’s thick, unplucked eyebrows were furrowed.

  ‘Yeah. All good.’

  ‘Okay. Well, I know this is a lot of information. But that’s why you have me. We’ll leave it here for today. Just take the day to settle in. The sheets on the bed are clean, so you could make that up and take a look around the house. There’s food in the kitchen; you all combine your food vouchers each week to stock that. Oh, that reminds me, I have some other vouchers for you.’ Jeanette reached into her handbag and took out an envelope. Anna’s full name was written across the front: Anna de la Mercedes.

  ‘I really love your surname. I’ve told you that already, haven’t I? You have the name of a movie star.’ Anna tried to return Jeanette’s smile. ‘So, these vouchers are from WIPAN. We provide recently released women with some extra support.’ Anna opened the envelope and flicked through the dozen gift cards. There were vouchers for clothes, department stores, music, even restaurants.

  ‘Wow. This is … Thank you.’ Anna hadn’t expected help like this. She could get out of these trackpants and buy herself something decent to wear.

  ‘One last thing.’ Jeanette took out a small phone. Anna knew from television shows and the other girls in prison that phones had changed. ‘It’s an old one, pretty worn out, but it’ll do for now. Tomorrow I’ll help you set up your apps and get you sorted with the best podcasts.’

  Anna didn’t know what an app or podcast was, but she felt even worse for thinking about Jeanette’s giant teeth. ‘Seriously. Thanks.’

  ‘It’s what I’m here for. All right, I’ll let you get settled. Oh, but the other girls! Sorry, I didn’t even explain.’ Jeanette sat back down and Anna lowered herself into the chair again. ‘So there’s Sako, she’s got a daytime job at Woolworths and should be at work now. She’s a good cook and usually doesn’t mind cooking something for everyone if you’re nice about it. Okay, then there’s Talia, she’s a gentle giant, trust me. She works night shifts cleaning, so should be asleep now. Her room is down the front near the kitchen, so just keep quiet for a few more hours and you’ll be all good with her. And then there’s Mads.’ A shadow fell across Jeanette’s face and she seemed to be considering her next words. ‘She can be tricky. Can be lovely but has a nasty streak, that’s for sure. She’ll heal, I know it. But for now, just lay low around her.’

  Anna didn’t really care about these other girls. She wasn’t planning to make friends with them. If they lived in a place like this, they were messed up and Anna had enough problems of her own. But she wanted to live peacefully, so she thanked Jeanette for her advice and accepted her hug when she offered it, trying not to dwell on the smell of Jeanette’s oily hair.

  Once Jeanette had left, Anna placed the phone on top of the laminated set of drawers. Then she emptied the few contents of her plastic bag into the top drawer. She folded the five pairs of undies, and placed the toothbrush and toothpaste and tampons beside them. She slipped the envelope with vouchers underneath the undies. That was it. All she had. Anna didn’t think about that any further; instead she shut the drawer and made up her bed. She took her time, shaking the sheets out first and then tucking them under the mattress with precision corners. Ro had made fun of Anna’s careful bed-making almost every morning.

  ‘What’s the point, you’re just gonna mess them up again,’ she would say.

  But the simple act, which Anna had once learned from her grandmother, made her feel connected to the family she had lost.

  The house smelled exactly like her grandmother, Anna thought. Abuela led Anna and her mama through a small room with dark green velvet couches arranged carefully around a low wooden table. Abuela told them to come through to the kitchen and sit down at the table. They placed their things in the corner of the room and did as they were told, while Abuela wiped her hands on her apron and set about the kitchen in a frenzy of movements. Anna loved this room. It was filled with light; the windows they were sitting by took up almost the whole wall and outside she could see a large garden, filled with colourful trees and rows of vines dripping with red grapes. Abuela brought plates of bread, cheese and cold meats as well as fruit over to the table and then returned with teacups and a pot of steaming tea. She filled the three cups as she spoke about people in the neighbourhood and family members, as though Anna and Mama had just been out for a short while and were now home. Anna cradled her cup carefully in two hands and blew steam from it, smiling at the sweet taste of the tea when she sipped it.

  ‘You like tea, nanita?’

  ‘Yes, Abuela, thank you.’

  ‘No, no, no. Not Abuela. This is too formal. You can call me Tita now, all right, nanita?’

  ‘All right, Tita.’

  Out of the corner of her eye, Anna saw her mama stiffen, but she ignored her. She couldn’t understand why her mother didn’t like Tita. Her grandmother was so happy to see them; she must love them very much. Anna gave her grandmother her full attention as she ate, listening to every word about all the people she didn’t know, while her mama sat like a statue, not even sipping her tea.

  That night, as she cuddled with her mama in the bed they were sharing, Anna decided that she was happy they’d come to live here. As much as she had loved walking to the market each morning with her mama and sitting with her as she cooked in their small kitchen, the two of them singing songs together, there was something different about her grandmother’s house. It wasn’t just that it was far bigger and warmer, although that was very nice. It felt different, strong, like it would always remain. Their own home had felt like it could blow away in a gust of wind. Tita, as Anna was already comfortable to call her, had spent the afternoon washing Anna’s and her mother’s clothes, setting up a spare bedroom for them and helping Anna put away all of their things. She let Anna help her make the bed, demonstrating how to tuck the sheets under the mattress tightly. Anna’s mama had helped too, but quietly, as though she wasn’t really there. Just before the sun set completely, a woman walked through the front door, frowning the moment she saw Anna’s mother. Tita explained that was her aunty, Mama’s older sister, who worked in the city and travelled by train to her job each day.

  ‘She is a very clever woman, your Tia Sofia. She works as an accountant. She is a manager and is paid very well. Because she worked hard at school and then went to university she is very successful.’ Tita narrowed her eyes for just a moment at Mama as she said this, but then she was smiling again and Anna wondered if she’d imagined it. When Sofia arrived home there was silence and Anna worried that with all the frowning, she and her mama weren’t welcome anymore. She feared that Tita would change her mind and unpack their things from the new bedroom. But after a moment, Sofia’s frown changed; her face started to twitch, a little like Tita’s had when they first arrived, and her eyes became shiny as she walked towards Anna and her mama. She looked from Anna to Mama and slowly her frown turned into a smile. Anna was frozen in her seat as she watched her mama stand up, her eyes filled with tears too as she threw her arms around her sister, holding her for a long time. They were mumbling into each other’s necks as they hugged, but Anna couldn’t hear what they were saying. After a few minutes, Tita told them that was enough and for Sofia to meet her niece. Mama and Sofia pulled away from each other, both wiping at their faces and smiling big smiles that made their eyes look happy.

  ‘Hola, chiquitita Anna. I’m so happy to meet you.’ Sofia spoke in a soft, gentle voice, perhaps worried she might frighten Anna. Then she glanced back at Mama and added, ‘Finally.’

  ‘Mucho gusto,’ Anna said and they all laughed at her formality. Sofia wrapped her arms around Anna and as she rested her head on her aunt’s shoulder, Anna felt that she was home.

  The unfamiliar smell of bacon sizzling and eggs frying roused Anna from the tangles of her memories and she ventured out of her room towards the kitchen. A woman, probably around the same age as Ann
a, was filling a kettle with water at the sink. She looked up and smiled.

  ‘Hey, you Anna?’

  ‘Yeah. Hi.’

  ‘Talia.’ She passed the kettle to Anna. ‘Make some coffee, will ya? I’ll finish up with the food.’ And without any further discussion, Talia turned back to the frypan. Anna managed to find cups, instant coffee and some milk and made Talia a coffee the same way she had it – strong and no sugar. She passed the cup to Talia as she stood at the stove, turning the bacon.

  ‘Cheers,’ Talia said and took the cup. Unsure what to do next, Anna sat at the bench and sipped her coffee. She felt soothed by the silence of her housemate. Talia was as tall and bulky as Sam, her skin a similar smooth brown. But her face was very different. Sam looked mean all the time, as though she was ready for a fight at any moment. But Talia looked happy. She wasn’t exactly smiling as she stirred the eggs in the pan, but she seemed content. Anna thought she could have picked her up and dropped her onto a beautiful beach and the expression on her face would suit the scenery perfectly.

  ‘Done.’ Talia dropped a plate with a generous serving of bacon and eggs in front of Anna. She picked up the other stool and took it to her side of the bench, so they were sitting opposite each other.

  ‘Thanks a lot.’ Anna realised she was starving. It must have been almost dinnertime judging by the light swiftly fading outside.

  ‘All good. The food in prison is shit. I use a lot of salt. Did you miss salt?’

  Anna had never really thought about salt. She’d missed other things, like making decisions for herself, but she didn’t want to talk about that.

  ‘Yeah. And they don’t use much chilli in there, huh?’ Anna said and they both laughed briefly, then returned to eating, mostly in silence.

  As Anna’s stomach filled, the uneasiness of the day faded. Talia didn’t try to ask her about her time or why she’d been in there. She barely spoke at all and when she did, it was just about foods she liked. Just as Anna was finishing the last of her eggs, the front door opened and then slammed shut, footsteps coming down the hallway towards them. Talia shook her head.

  ‘Ignore her,’ she said, then she took her plate to the sink. A scrawny, bleached-blonde girl, who Anna assumed was Mads, stood in the doorway.

  ‘Any food left?’ she asked, her voice tired and hoarse.

  ‘Nup.’ Talia didn’t look up from the soapy water she was splashing about. Mads slammed her fist against the doorway. She noticed Anna and glared at her.

  ‘Who are you?’

  Anna stood up. She couldn’t be bothered fighting with this twig, but she had to establish her place from the beginning.

  ‘Who are you?’ Anna replied, standing so close to Mads she could smell her sour sweat. She was eye to eye with the girl, but Anna was almost all muscle, while Mads was skeletal. Mads shoved at Anna but Anna grabbed her arm and shoved her back, causing her to stumble backwards.

  ‘This is Anna, she lives here now. Go sleep it off, Mads,’ Talia called from the sink, unfazed by the erupting violence. Then she threw Mads a packet of crackers. ‘Eat those.’

  Mads swore, snatched the packet of crackers from the floor and stormed off towards her room.

  ‘She’s a bitch, but you’ll get used to her,’ Talia said, wiping her hands with a tea towel. ‘I’m off to work now. See ya.’ Talia sauntered from the room. Anna washed her own plate and cup then went back to her room. On her way down the hallway she heard Mads swearing and muttering threats from behind her own bedroom door. Anna knew if she could put up with Ro, then she could put up with this girl.

  Anna sat on the chair in the room and looked around. She wasn’t sure what to do. There were so many nights in her cell she’d wished for the freedom to do whatever she wanted. But now that she had the freedom, something felt wrong. There was a television in the living room that she could watch. But she didn’t want to. She had an envelope full of vouchers; she could go out and start spending them. But Anna didn’t trust herself to be out there yet. Her earlier urge for a hit had passed, but it had been the strongest urge she’d had in years. It was hard to believe sometimes that she’d been clean for six years, the way she still craved for those seconds when the hit took hold and all of her worries evaporated. Anna forced herself now to remember the first days of her detox, just like she did every time she craved a hit. That excruciating time in the prison rehabilitation program was burned into every cell of Anna’s body. The hairs on her arms raised now as she remembered being a writhing, sweating mess. The heat of withdrawal had scorched her from the inside out, electric currents shooting through every muscle. She couldn’t do that again, she’d die. For now, Anna would sit in the chair. Like Jeanette said, she needed the day to settle. Tomorrow would be better.

  CHAPTER THREE

  ANNA JUMPED OUT of bed, fists up, ready to protect herself, before she remembered where she was. She was in the boarding house. She was safe. Anna woke the same way most days in prison. In those seconds between sleep and waking, Anna was sure she was back in one of the squats, surrounded by other addicts who were ready to take whatever they wanted from her.

  Anna stood still by her bed, allowing her hammering heart to calm. Her mind was cloudy with sleep and the memory of her dream threatened to possess her. She had been dreaming of Jake. She held her breath as though that would fight off the memory, but it was too late.

  It was their first night together, but Anna already felt comfortable with Jake, as though she knew him well. As though this wasn’t a one-night stand, like she’d been telling herself. They sat on the couch together and she found it difficult to take her gaze from his. The grey of his eyes darkened as he glanced at her lips and Anna felt beautiful, wanted. He leaned in to kiss her and Anna breathed in the spicy scent of his aftershave. Jake wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. She closed her eyes, ready to feel his lips on hers, but then he stopped. Jake reached into his pocket and pulled out a little bag of white powder.

  The what-ifs stormed Anna’s mind as she fought the memory. What if she’d never gone home with Jake that night? What if she’d said no to trying ice? Shut up. Anna slapped her forehead. She sucked in her breath and moved towards the window of her bedroom. She wasn’t going to do this. It had been six years; she was going to forget. Anna pulled back the shabby curtain and peeked out. From her room, Anna had a view of the backyard, which was a smaller, dirtier version of the front yard. The sun was already high and bright. Anna pressed the button on her phone and the time flashed up. It was 10:42 am. She’d have to go out today. She needed to buy some clothes and get out of the trackpants she was still wearing. As nice as it would be to own something else to wear, Anna felt overwhelmed imagining the trip. Could she still do normal things like catch the train and shop? Anna had lived in Sydney for almost seven years before she went to prison. The first four, sober. As a new arrival at only eighteen, Anna had been eager to explore the city she’d heard so much about – the ‘city of dreams’ as it was affectionately known by many Chileans. She had learned the train and bus systems quickly and found it easy to get herself around the city. But then there were the more recent, dark memories that made the city feel murky. Was she ready to face it? She decided to have something to eat before she made any plans. Her thoughts had settled a bit yesterday when she ate.

  As she walked down the hall Anna heard chatter coming from the kitchen and she almost went back to her room, but she didn’t want to spend another day in there. She had to start doing things. An older looking lady was standing at the bench, chopping vegetables and chatting to Jeanette who was sitting on a stool. They both looked up at Anna as she came into the kitchen. Jeanette was smiling; the other lady was sizing her up. Anna ran her hand through her hair and detangled her curls, wondering just how bad she must look.

  ‘Good morning, how did you sleep, Anna?’ Jeanette asked, swivelling around on her stool.

  ‘All right.’

  Jeanette seemed to take that as wonderful news. ‘Great! Anna, this
is Sako. She’s lived here for five months now, so she is our veteran.’

  Sako didn’t stop chopping but looked at Anna. ‘Hi. Yes, I’m old, we all know it, thanks.’

  Jeanette laughed.

  ‘You’re younger than me! I was just telling Sako that she’s been moved up the list for community housing.’ Jeanette turned back to Sako, who was now grimacing as she chopped. ‘So, she will likely have a place to move in to once her time here is up.’ Sako was paying close attention to the vegetables, but she nodded.

  ‘That’s good.’ Anna didn’t know if that was the right response but from the way Jeanette nodded, she supposed it was.

  ‘It’s great! And Sako can be an inspiration for you, Anna. I’ve been mentoring her since her release She’s had a steady job the whole time, completely clean and well on her way to getting her own place.’

  Anna regretted coming to the kitchen. This felt like too much information about a lady she’d never met before. And it wasn’t exactly inspiring to be compared to a wrinkled woman who appeared beaten down by life. But when Sako looked up at her and gave a slight eye roll, it made Anna like her. While Jeanette continued to chat to Sako about potential housing placements, Anna made herself a bowl of cereal and a cup of instant coffee. Before she could take it back to her room, Jeanette pulled out a stool for her.

  ‘Okay, I’m done,’ Sako said, scraping the vegetables into a big container and putting it in the fridge. She turned to Anna. ‘Don’t touch that. I’m cooking dinner tonight after work and you can have some then. Bye, Jeanette.’ Sako left. Anna knew she’d be easy to live with.